Who am I?

My name is Rich, I am 47 years old and the physical aspects of my world are currently confined to a 6 foot by 9 foot concrete box more commonly referred to as a prison cell. I have been in this cell for almost 15 years and will be here for another 12. I am the father of 2 beautiful girls and one amazing boy, whom are all grown now. I am a drug addict and I am thankfully in recovery for going on 7 years now! One of the many crimes I am guilty of committing and am in prison for is home invasion and felony firearm possession.

My reasons for doing this blog is that this 6 foot by 9 foot space is closing in on me and I'm just trying to expand my world in any and every way I possibly can. It is my desire to somehow take my silently wasting away in this box and loudly connect or plug in to life in a meaningful way with the hope that I might give and receive life's most valuable resource, connections. Connections with people.

I have had and I have lost many things, but one thing that holds true is that it´s the relationships we build and share with others that hold life's true essence. I am not a big religious person but I feel like you don't have to look much further than a true and cultured relationship to find god. It may be a brother, a friend, a husband or wife, a child, all relationships possess this magic if built with honesty, appreciation, understanding, acceptance and selflessness. Sitting in this cell in this very moment I can with 100% honestly tell you that it´s sharing a moment of closeness with another human being that I miss the most. That is what i fantasize about in the silence of my cell at night.

I hear inmates talking and trading stories about their big dreams of getting out and finding the most beautiful women, or making the most money, some still insist on making reservations on the devils playground, they excitedly reminisce about getting high or selling drugs, finally convinced they have figured out how to do wrong the right way.

But I am not here to judge, I just don't understand it all. The thought of talking, laughing, hugging someone who knows and accepts me completely and loves me and vice versa? The thought of that feels like a billion dollars to me. In a world where everyone seems to be trying to be who they think will be liked and accepted the most, where everyone is wearing masks of some kind or another. To know and be known and for true love and acceptance, to exist in that, it just seems like everything to me.

Am I making a bigger deal of this than is necessary? Are the connections not as rare as I think they are? Is my view of the relationships between people a negative and pessimistic one? I will admit that the sample of experience that I am drawing from is small and not very reliable. I just know what feels right and gives me the deepest and truest sense of value and that is what I am in search of. It is why I am on this page. In recovery they say that you can only keep what you have by giving it all away, I finally understand that.
So this is a part of who I am and why I have chosen to start this blog. I look forward to discussing many different topics. Also, I should probably tell you that I have never really been on the internet and do not have any experience when it comes any of this but I look forward to learning.