Could you ever truly trust me Is a very difficult question to ask someone out there and be completely sincere and hopeful that they will. At the same time you can only understand and accept when the answer is "hell no"! It sucks because I really care deeply whether someone trusts me or not, but the unfortunate truth is that most people in here are not trustworthy. 9 out of 10 guys I talk to either say they are innocent of the crimes that they are in prison for or they at the very least minimize it in some way. When they speak about their relationships with people out there it rarely sounds healthy. It seems they are always manipulating in some way or another.
I feel like I sound so judgemental saying these things but they are true and they affect me. Why would a person trust me as a prisoner if the last prisoner they dealt with lied to them? If one dog bites you it will likely make you sceptical of the next one right? So this thing I am doing, trying to expand my world and build healthy and valuable relationships with people isn't so easy when your starting from a negative. I would be so appreciative for any insight on how you see it from your perspective out there?
The only way I really know how to go about it at this point is to be patient, consistent, and never ask or accept any favors. That way there never comes a point where a person has to wonder if I am in it for the friendship or possible benefits. I made that mistake once and almost lost someone I love. I was blessed that this person had the patience to see it through until my heart was clear to them.
So relationships can be tricky between a prisoner and a civilian. At least to have an honest, intimate, balanced, respectful, lasting relationship is. I have also learned that it is easy to make someone in the free world resent you. We are so limited in what we can do in here that most things fall on the person out there and it can feel one sided. Like maybe you want me to call but putting money on the phone is something you have to do. Or if we want to visit each other then you are the one who is tasked with setting up the visit, driving up here, paying for gas, submitting to a search before you visit. It can add up to be a lot. Do you think you could ever be friends with a prisoner? Could you ever trust him? I am sincerely curious????
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I don't think 9/10 prisoners can write the way you do, with the self-reflection and repentance. If you're able to convey the same energy in person that will go a long way.
Trust doesn't come immediately with anyone for me, but from reading a few of your posts I'd say I want to see if you feel as genuine in person as you are on here, make sure you treat your family as good as you can, and just get to know you a bit in general. Then I'd say yes.
I don't consider myself one of the "normal people" but I'm also not connected to the prison world at all. Despite that, such a thing as a reformed prisoner is not so alien to people like me. I've read real life stories about them and seen fictional ones in some good dramas. Actually I even worked with one at a former job. He did maybe 10 years for selling drugs, was embarrassed but didn't lie when asked about it. We went through hell together in the middle of nowhere and had each other's backs.
Not asking for favors sounds like a good idea, at least in the beginning. Even if I like someone I'll be thinking in the background whether I'm being scammed. But small favors can actually build trust so don't count those out. As with everything you'll have to decide based on the person. There are normal people who would want to trust you and would be happy to help you. Don't count yourself out of accepting favors either, just show gratitude. And when you get out don't put yourself into that box of a prisoner because you will be different from the majority of them (suspect you know already). You don't have to tell everyone when you first meet them, let them see who you are a bit first before labelling yourself.