To all women

I find it really hard to like or respect men. I will be completely honest, sometimes I feel like I very much dislike them with a passion that I worry borders on hate. My daughter recently had a domestic violence situation and it reinforced a lot of that. Before I continue in what I want to try and say I need to make some confessions, otherwise I would feel like a hypocrite. I was once a horrible man when it came to how I treated women. I have committed all the typical sins that men commit. I have lied, cheated and mistreated women in so many ways. I have hurt women that loved me all the way to their souls I think.

I put drugs before and above everyone and everything. I don't deny it, hide it or minimize it. I own it and am sorry with every single piece of my heart!! I can't explain why or even when this transformation or evolution from all of that took place. I can only tell you that it did and I am sincere and true in who I am. It is not a phase or momentary thing, I have done the work and I have left no path behind me as to return to what I was. I am only moving forwards.

I am sure part of my insight and desire to change came from having my two daughters and considering how I would want them to be treated. Another part I believe came from the way my mom loved me. She was an addict and had some problems but her love was never in doubt. I don't think a day went by when she didn't hug me at least 4 times or more. It didn't matter how much she was using or what was going on, she hugged me and told me she loved me. As I got older and got in more and more trouble her love came in the form of what most would see as enabling, but she loved me the way she knew how.

What also would play a part in my change when it comes to respecting and appreciating women was being in prison all these years around all males and listening and watching them and the way they talk, perceive, think, and act when it comes to women. In here men say what they really think and feel, they are free to show their true face, take off their masks. I don't go around judging or looking down on people and I don't think that I am better than anyone. But nor can I not see what I see. What I see is disgusting. I see men truly believing that because they are in a relationship with a woman that it means that they own them, that their girl is their property. I never hear men talking about their women's personality, their goals, their happiness, or anything relevant to her specific identity of who she is as a human being. I only hear them commenting on what she does or can do for him. Everything revolves around him. He is dominant and forceful with what he wants her to be. He no longer sees her as a separate identity with her own thoughts and feelings. He has zero awareness of her individuality. It´s very strange yet I think most men do it.

All the phones outside are next to each other so when I'm talking I can't help but hear the conversation of the person next to me. It´s really frustrating most of what I hear. The worst part of it is most people are not even aware of what they are doing. I wasn't aware until I was. It´s probably not a very safe thing to do to walk up to a prisoner and say "hey man, I heard what you was saying on the phone to your wife and I was thinking maybe you could treat her better. Maybe you could take a moment to really see her and hear her and know her outside of just who she is for you and what you want her to be", that's probably not a great idea:-)

When I'm talking to someone in here and the chance comes up I always do my best to plant seeds but most people are not trying to hear it. They usually play the tough man role. It´s just a crazy thing to me and really hurts my heart that women have to deal with this whole other thing in life. While relationships are supposed to be special connections between people built with trust, acceptance, and respect, it becomes something else do to this thing in men that ruins it eventually and usually ends up hurting women for no reason.

Then you have the men with these egos and hidden self-esteem issues so they go around trying to have sex with as many women as possible, each one making them feel better about themselves for the moment. They feel if the woman chose them then they must not be ugly or lame or whatever. It´s a very superficial action caused by a much deeper issue. They will lie and manipulate and do whatever they have to to get the girl to chose them, and then most times the girl gets hurt while the guy moves on feeling more secure for a time. I think about these behaviours and these issues and it´s depressing that men are so shallow and stuck in that cycle but more importantly that women are treated that way and have to go through that.

I don't think that there is anything God created that is of more value and is more special than a woman. All women!! They carry life inside of them! Then when the child is born the way a mother loves and protects her child. Women are so intelligent and nurturing at the same time. They are better than men there is absolutely no doubt. I just wish we treated you better. Took the time to understand you more. Saw you as you are and not as we want you to be for our own benefit. I wish that we cherished you more. I wish every man could look at you and see exactly what I see. I am not perfect nor am I special in any kind of way. I am honestly nothing at all. But I do see you and appreciate your role in life and value you with my complete heart. I am sorry on behalf of all men!!!!
This may have been a weird thing to talk about but it was on my mind after what my daughter is going through and I just wanted her and all of you to know that you are special and please don't ever accept a man mistreating you!!!!!

Richard.......